Raise a toast to Shahrukh and Saif Ali Khan! Or should maybe you should boo or yell at them. Or show your appreciation of their antics by throwing your drink at them. You know, in their style. I don't know. But their brand of brash, snide and intensely rude 'jokes' it seems are here to stay. Their 'act' at the Filmfare awards was... Seriously, I don't have words. Tons of my friends loved it. 'Wtf, Priyanka, it was a laugh riot. Great entertainment.' Of course it was. Who wouldn't like to see their fave stars being knocked down a peg or two and having a snigger at their expense? No sense of humor I have, do you say? I bow before your superior sense of humor.
Have a bundle of unpalatable truths that you want to trumpet to the world? Take a page from these two stars' books and forget the graceful/gracious act [come on, Priyanka, you don't like the Simi-Garewal-esque style of hosting either] and make crude jokes about it. The ruder you get, the better. Or else how would the audience digest the truth if not laugh at people? And while you are at it, please do forget the age of the people whom you are making fun of. The catch: you can only do it if you have the clout. You have to be a Shahrukh Khan of Bollywood to sling mud [hey, it's only a joke, I know!] at your peers and at people who have been in Bollywood for eons.
You have to be powerful enough that the people cannot afford to mind your swipes at them, their dressing sense, whom they invite to their weddings or whose weddings they choose to attend. But do remember to keep the please-don't-mind smile pasted and after every 5 min do apologise profusely and profess that its all done in good humor. If only it was done with equally good grace!
I guess the crass behaviour is often, though not only, brought on by being high on power at that point in time. Or else which 4-foot-nothing guy would throw official papers unglanced at 2 beefy guys and a gal all of whom have almost 2 feet advantage over him? A government employee, or a babu, who else. Had gone to get my marriage registered. Again. This time, went to see the big guy in the cabin.
What is the rudimentary truth in this? That power does corrupt and how!
The following is what transpired - over the whole sweltering day. [The following are the babu's dialogs]
These documents won't work. Read the list posted outside and bring only those documents.
You have? Okay. [Still not glancing at the papers though the only reason we are in his cube is so he can stamp them saying the docs are ok]. What have you attached as address proofs?
Is the electricity/telephone bill in your name? No, your father's won't do.[Now which frigging twenty-something in India will have a landline/electricity bill in his/her name?] Have to get the ration card. It doesn't have your name on it? Too bad. How about your election card? No, the only election cards we accept have to be from this state. Then make an affidavit and come back in 2 days and then we will see. No, a passport won't do. Even if you had submitted these very documents back then. Nope, no can do.
How did you get the ration card so soon? Scanned and sent from Mumbai? No. Will need the original as well.
You have the address proofs. No, we can't go ahead. What have you attached as proof of date of birth? No, your birth-certificate won't do. I know its on the list, but the place you were born has to be in my jurisdiction, only then can I accept it.
What about your witnesses? Their address proofs have to be in their name not their father's or spouse's.
[5:00 in the evening. Half an hour to closing time]
We need 5 xeroxes of this application and 3 more photos.
Where the devil are the witnesses? What do you mean, they will be here in 5 min? Why do they need tea right now? Don't you see that this work is of paramount importance? Do you think I am sitting here for fun?
[At this point, my head explodes thanks to the fatalistic irony and maniacal laughter that has been consuming me. The rest is all darkness.]
Epilogue: Have a hand-written piece of flimsy paper saying we married. The first person to invite to your wedding (right after God Almighty) should be one of these babus. So you don't have to vegetate in front of their desks for 4 days before you get your marriage legalised. Have suggested a new essay topic to mum (who is a teacher) - A day at the government office. Or should I make it a week?
